We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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