Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
