So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
