i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
