ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
