Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
