bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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