I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
