I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
