EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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