I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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