hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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