not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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