He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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