Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
