The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
