Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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