Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
