yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
