Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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