"it" just moved
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
