When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
