btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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