I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I have demons in me.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize