Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
