you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
