why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
