Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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