Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
