I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
