It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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