how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
