I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
