We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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