ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
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I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
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Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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