take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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