and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize