Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
