This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize