I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
OPIZZABONMYDICK
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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