Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
