my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
