M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
