Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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