1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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