Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think your dad took our porno
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
