I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
