you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I love having hate sex.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
