Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
