You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
