he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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