Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
