If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
