well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
