I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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