Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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