I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
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