I'm going to jail i love you
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
