I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
