Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
