I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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