were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
