I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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