sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just want nice things and good sex
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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