too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
