U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
