it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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