Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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