I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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