We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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