Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
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She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize