So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
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Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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