Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
