Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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