i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
