my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
