Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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